Getting mascara out of Fort Knox is quite the chore

It should not be this hard to buy mascara.

Like many Burke residents, my grocery shopping habits have changed since the temporary (seems forever) closure of Ingles in Morganton. Looking at the silver lining, I am better spreading my grocery dollars, regularly visiting Food Lion (multiple locations!), Aldi, Food Matters, and Walmart.

I remember when the whole Walmart Supercenter concept came into being in the late 1980s to great fanfare. So much shopping could be accomplished at one location. The success of Walmart is a testament to the many fans of one-stop shopping.

My response was a strong “meh” as I rarely feel the need to buy ground beef and a blouse at the same time. The thought of having both items in my shopping cart leaves me with nauseating visions of blood from the meat packaging leaking onto the blouse. And I am far too lazy to have two shopping carts or a shopping cart and a hand-held basket.

I do, however, drive to Walmart regularly for one particular item — Lil’ Sticks by Gerber. Walmart is the one place that nearly always has them in stock. I am not purchasing these for a toddler but rather for my two Shih Tzu children, Murphy and Ivy. (They far prefer the chicken sticks to the turkey.)

Lil’ Sticks are the Vienna Sausage for toddlers. Each stick is about four Shih Tzu bites. I know this because I often sit cross-legged on the floor and break off a bite at a time, feeding them by hand. One for Murphy. One for Ivy. (Sometimes one for me.) This continues until the jar is empty. A little embarrassing to admit this, but it is true.

Back to the mascara.

Marshall and I went to the superstore one recent Sunday afternoon to buy the aforementioned Lil’ Sticks and to check on the price of eggs and whether there were even any on the shelves (something I’ve been monitoring for my day job).

That’s when I remembered there was something else I wanted to purchase and, certainly, I could find it there at Walmart.

I wanted to buy mascara. But not just any mascara.

From the most expensive department store brands to the least expensive at the drugstore, many mascaras are marketed to those who want the look of fake fringe without the hassle of gluing on individual lashes. Use this product and you will have such thick, long lashes that friends, family, and co-workers will be convinced you’ve spent beaucoup bucks to have falsies placed by professionals.

It’s not a look I want. In fact, I was looking for the exact opposite — a CLEAR mascara that only adds a little definition without the dramatic effect.

I tell the hubby I want to cruise over to the makeup area. He follows behind me, pushing the cart. As I got closer to the “beauty” aisles, I let out a sigh and my shoulders slumped.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. I simply point.

All makeup and anything makeup-adjacent is secured behind a plexiglass Fort Knox. How can I peruse all my choices when I cannot touch anything? Can’t read the fine print on the back of the packaging? Can’t walk around with one option while comparing it to another?

Marshall talked me down from the edge of the cliff.

I began looking, as best I could in these less-than-optimal conditions, through the mascaras offered by the many brands. When I thought I had found what I wanted, I called the employee over to unlock the safe in which the mascara hung.

He confirmed which package I wanted and before I could lay a finger on it, he whisked it away as he said he needed to put the mascara in a box. I’m confused. I mean, isn’t it already in packaging? I soon understood what he meant.

He took out a large (much larger than needed for the item) plastic box with a lockable lid. Walmart is apparently discouraging me from walking out of the store with the mascara in my purse, sans payment.

The employee accidentally locked the top before he put the mascara inside. He grumbled under his breath about his error and grabbed another plastic box. He slid the mascara inside, locked it, gave it to me, and then disappeared to help another customer. I never got a good look at it.

At checkout, the cashier took the mascara out of the box and placed it in the bag we had brought in. We paid and went home.

I did not truly examine the mascara until I got home. My fault, I know.

I put on my reading glasses to review my purchase. That’s when I realized that I had not purchased mascara at all. I had bought a product to help grow eyebrows and eyelashes, a serum swiped onto brows and the lashline with a teeny tiny paintbrush.

I let out a sigh and my shoulders slumped.

It should not be this hard to buy mascara.