How to greet teens without getting a death stare

At what point does a question, phrase, or morning greeting become rote?

Merriam-Webster defines rote as mechanical or unthinking routine or repetition. If the recipient of a morning greeting answers the question before you even pose it, does that indicate entry into the Land of Roteness?

I am blessed with the unique opportunity to extend morning greetings about 200 times each week to a group of high school students as they board the bus for school in the wee hours of the day.

Only 15 seconds will elapse from the door opening until the resounding thud of a teenage body and 50-lb backpack falling into one of the seats behind me.

A 15-second opportunity to extend a greeting, await a response, make a day, wreck a day, or remain unseen and unheard.

The standard greeting goes something like this: “Good morning, Alex. How are you?” Occasionally, I alternate with the daring “Hello Jordan. What’s new?”

Monday mornings offer a chance to really step out there with “Morning Isabella. How was your weekend?”

The verbal responses from these early morning passengers are concise. Names are changed to protect the innocent. Zach: an indecipherable guttural sound. Connor: Hey. Christian: I’m tired. Michael: Morning Kenneth.

Facial expressions offer equally concise non-verbal responses. Allison: I’ll slit your throat. McKenzie: OMG, he called my name out loud. Responses from this group are probably as authentic as it gets.

This morning it became official. I have become Mr. Rote. Christian boarded the bus wrapped in a blanket, looked at me, proclaimed himself “Tired” before I uttered a word, and without further ado proceeded to his seat.

Obviously, he had heard the greeting before. Obviously, he felt no compelling reason to hear it again.

A devastating development for someone who thoroughly enjoys early morning dialogue with my traveling companions.

Addressing this affliction will require the collective wisdom of Dale Carnegie (RIP), education and travel consultants, and internet bloggers who identify as communications gurus.

Add to that witches’ brew a dose of my own terrible instincts. The goal is development of Ken 2.0 Morning Greetings playlist.

A quick survey of greetings used by people in other cultures yields a few interesting practices, all of which are entirely inappropriate for Yours Truly and his morning guests.

Go Tibetan and stick my tongue out. Go New Zealander and practice hongi (rub noses). Go Greenlander and sniff faces. Pretend to be a Maasai warrior and spit at the student before shaking hands. The fist bump popularized by President Obama is probably a better option for a school bus environment.

Education consultants recommend consistent greeting routines coupled with positive statements. A plethora of online bloggers opine that witty, encouraging, and inspirational phrases are excellent alternatives.

Their suggestions include some real gems guaranteed to make students giggle and start their day of learning with a positive attitude. Brother Dale preached the value of smiling, listening, and talking in terms of the other person’s interests. Herewith a collection of new and improved greetings.

“From the depths of your slumber, I summon thee to a beautiful morning. What’s alive for you in this moment?”

“Bless your heart. It’s a brand-new day and those pants still haven’t learned to sit at your waist. How do you contribute to a better society?”

“Have a fantastic day, weirdo! What was the last book you read?”

“You’re going to do great things today! Let’s make today’s problems yesterday’s news. How’s your heart today?”

“Good morning, loser! It’s time to wake up and conquer the day! What is one thing you look forward to?”

“Welcome to a new day! And like a garbage phoenix, may you rise from the gutter you call a bed. What are two emotions you feel right now?”

“Wakey-wakey, rise and shine! Every morning is like a blank canvas. What is your most unhealthy habit?”

“Hey there, morning warrior! Remember, the early bird gets the worm. What has made you smile this morning?”

“Rise and shine! Remember, each sunrise brings new opportunities and possibilities for a different hair color.”

Such avant-garde greetings will likely be met with equally progressive responses. “Drop dead old man.” “Yeah, well that’s great. Don’t run over my dog.” “I hate you and I hate my parents.” “See my neighbor’s pet deer over there with his cows?” Mr. Rote will be cured of his affliction.

The old standby greetings will remain in the rotation simply because they allow me to be myself. There is nothing wrong with the words I have used for so long. The sentiment behind them was and will remain genuine care and concern for each student who boards the bus.

That is the real difference between rote and not. Reminds me of a quote attributed to Oscar Wilde:

“Be yourself; everyone else is taken.”