An 'F' list, Viking blood, and a family reunion

My grandmother, Mum Mum, has an “F” list.

“Faith, family, friends, forgiveness, food, fitness, fresh air, flee stress, forty winks (of sleep), fun, and be fearless!”

This list of things has helped her heal in all aspects of her life. As long as I’ve known my grandmother, she has been unafraid to take on life and new things, whether it is a new diet, books, or lifestyle challenges. Her life is full of art from jewelry making, painting, sewing, gardening, reading, and crafting.

Select locals may know her as Sue Hall from Morganton Natural Foods, who worked alongside my grandpa, Tommy Hall, for countless years. She has also beaten breast cancer several times in her almost 80-year lifetime. However, to our family, Sue is Mum Mum: a soft-spoken, Jesus-loving, essential oil-smelling, kindhearted mother and grandmother.

When talking with her doctor about the “F” list, he recommends taking risks or “be fearless!” Whether it is a spontaneous trip to Atlanta or conquering a state trail, he encourages her to do things that make her heart pound and her stomach flutter.

One of those things is telling this story.

Dating back to my intern days at The Paper in summer 2023, she wanted me to write her story so others could connect to it, whatever side it was. We sat down in early March of this year on a comfy couch, illuminated by the morning sun, for her to tell the story of a truly hard decision that later reunited two families. Our side of the family and her biological son, Alan, whom she put up for adoption.

TO BE A MOTHER

“Both of my parents died when I was in high school, and I lived with my grandmother because we had always lived with my grandmother. I just kind of got involved in the hippie culture … let’s see,” Sue pauses as she puts her finger to her chin and chooses her next words, “Anyway, I found myself pregnant.”

Around 1964, Sue (17 or 18 years old) traveled from her Florida home to live with her sister Jean and her husband, Don, in California after telling her the news. She later gave birth to a baby.

“I had always wanted to be a mother, all I ever wanted to be when I was little. People would ask me, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ I’d say, ‘A mother,’” Sue said. “So, it was really hard for me, but I knew I would not be a good mother at that time. … I just couldn’t stand the thought of having that kind of a life.”

She placed the baby boy up for adoption and later moved back home to Fernandina Beach. Never in a million years did she think she would see him again since they did not have the technology we have today.

Sue later married Tommy and had two girls: my stepmother Abigail and my aunt Charity. She also found Jesus, which changed her life, and she became a different person.

FAMILY TREE DISCOVERED

We both chuckle as she skips ahead in her story to the time my aunt Charity went through a phase of wanting to find out if she and her family had Viking blood.

She received her results from Ancestry.com and sent a note to a woman named Natasha in their family tree. Natasha submitted her DNA years before but was tired of checking online to see any connections.

For months, silence. Until Natasha’s husband checks online to find the note. From there, Natasha and Charity message back and forth, laughing and crying, and learned more about how Alan and the Hall girls are half-siblings. Then Jean got involved. Finally, came Sue, who was feeling many emotions at once.

“The first thing I told them was that we had a lot of cancer in our family. I said, ‘Alan, please make sure your girls check,’” Sue said.

Natasha went to the doctor and found a lump. “It was cancer. She caught it early. I think it saved her life!” she said.

After the Hall girls met his family and planned the big reunion, Alan and his family came to our then-home in 2018 with two bottles of champagne. I was in high school at the time and did not know the entire background of this story.

“It was incredible, and we talked for hours at the dining room table,” Sue exclaimed. “Alan said, ‘In our family, whenever somebody (or baby) new joins the family, we always do a toast.’ So, we had a toast to our family growing.”

“When I first met him, I just wanted to hug his neck and kiss him, but I restrained myself because I didn’t know him. I didn’t know how he would react to that. I met everyone else, and he was the last one. I just said, ‘I’m Sue.’ I could have cried, but I just restrained myself because of the whole situation … I was so awkward. I didn’t know what to do!”

Years later, Charity and Sue visited California to meet his side of the family. Nowadays, they talk on the phone every two weeks while Alan is driving home from work.

When asked to describe him, Sue said that Alan reminds her of her father. Alan is also compassionate, has a good head, thinks before he acts, and is a family man who cares so much for his family.

Reflecting on her younger self, she would tell her to do the same exact thing. “I wouldn’t want him to have had that kind of life without stability at all. He’s turned out to be a great guy. He’s a really wonderful guy.”

“I know other people who have had babies that wish so bad they could meet them, and they’d never been able to find them. The sad feeling I would get from them. That’s one reason I really wanted you to write this, because I feel like there are some people out there who need to hear it. I know that some people have bad experiences, but you never know.

“You might be missing the greatest thing that could ever happen to you.”

ALAN’S BACKGROUND

Although I met Alan many years ago, I never fully understood who he was or had an extensive conversation with him. When we set a date to talk for this article, this was also my chance to get to know my uncle.

Who is Alan? A vague yet big question, as he pointed out, but it was a place to start and to explore.

Alan, a devoted father and husband, has been married for over 40 years to his wife, Stephanie, and they live in the Bay Area of California, where he has lived most of his life.

He grew up in a household with an older adopted brother, his stay-at-home mother, and his father, who worked for the company Blockaid, but never really knew what he did.

“They were both alcoholics and did not involve themselves too much in child development. So, most of my life was really shaped by mentors that I met when I was older,” Alan said.

It was a neighbor who told a very young Alan that he was adopted. “When he told me I was adopted, I told him he looked like, you know, whatever. I didn’t know what it meant. Somebody calls you adopted; you call them ugly.”

His parents talked with him about the adoption. The talk wasn’t dramatic, and they didn’t have more information for him.

When you are adopted, Alan said, you can create an image in your head of who your biological family is. He always created many stories, depending on the situation. To him, adoption was just a word and meant his mother did not give birth to him.

“I didn’t need anything. I just could tell whatever story I wanted to tell,” he said, “If somebody came to you today and told you that your dad wasn’t your dad, would that change your life?”

No peace had to be made with the fact he was adopted or a void to fill; Alan was just living his life. “Once I married Stephanie, anything about my past didn’t matter to me anymore, because that was my future, that was going to be my family moving forward, and it’s going to be what I made of it.”

REUNITING

Daughter Natasha did her own digging as part of an ongoing family joke and part curiosity. His son-in-law, Ryan, has always been an extension of the family because he and Natasha started dating when they were young.

Alan would joke with him about not being surprised their child would come out half (insert race) since he was adopted. So, Ryan asked Natasha to do the DNA test.

One day, when Alan returns home from work, Stephanie and a crying Natasha are sitting in the living room. They both wanted to tell him something. He initially thought the worst, wondering if the scene was an intervention of some kind.

“She said, ‘I found your birth mother.’ ... My first question was, ‘Who needs a kidney?’” Alan said, chuckling.

When Alan met his biological family in person, he said he felt Southern hospitality. Being a Southerner, I asked how he pictures “Southern hospitality.”

“With the way I was received, and everybody was very kind and accommodating. They didn’t know me. They didn’t have to be charming and nice,” Alan said.

He had no expectations for the visit because he did not initially plan to find his birth mother. From his perspective, he thinks the parents — not the child — should be the first to reach out. His brother had sought out his birth parents, an experience that ended badly with restraining orders.

Thinking of Sue, he describes her as a charming, kind person who has a huge heart. They also have a very similar haircut, according to his son-in-law, which got a big laugh out of me.

“I know she just said all these wonderful golden things about me, but that’s her nature. … She doesn’t have a curse word to say to anybody, even when a curse word is deserved,” he said. “She’s a quintessential person who would look at you if she were mad at you and just say, ‘Bless your heart.’”

Ending our final interview, Alan talked about how he knew that putting him up for adoption was very difficult for Sue.

“I know it was a very tough decision for her, and so for years, she probably dwelled on the fact of whether or not she made the right decision. The only way that that can be answered is the way that it happened, because if things didn’t happen exactly the way they did, I might have lived a horrible life. I might have never met my wife, never had my kids, and I think I have a really good life.”

Editor’s Note: For those of you who are still asking: Yes, Charity got her wish. She has Viking blood.