Father's Rights Movement gains momentum in child custody cases

For the last few weeks of my recent internship at the Paper, I found myself in the world of custody battles and parents’ rights. 

It started when I received a Facebook message in June from an anonymous source about a story that they wanted to bring to the public's attention:

“Well, it's somewhat of a controversial subject to some, but is a movement coming across the country. It's called The Fathers’ Rights Movement. Equal shared custody. Proof before allegations and such. I'm a charter member of the group in North Carolina and we seek to help men wronged by the courts and even women wronged.” 

The movement is made up of fathers and mothers who want 50/50 shared custody in divorces. The organization educates the public and parents about their rights, family law, co-parenting, and statistics that show that children need both parents. 

The source is a father currently in a custody battle with his ex-wife for equal custody of his two kids. Originally, he was fine with having his name included in this column,  but after a chat with his attorney, he was advised to leave his name out of the column to avoid violating an active court order. 

He learned about this movement while fighting for custody and has now become a content creator for their cause. 

This story has piqued my interest because I, among many others in my generation, grew up through two divorces. I would say a majority of people from friends to classmates that I know have divorced parents. Divorce can be ugly and vicious, especially when there are children involved. 

The fight for his kids

When we sat down at Thornwell Books in July, he told me about the start of his divorce and the things he has experienced during this custody battle. 

During the time leading up to the divorce, he and his wife had very heated fights. He knew that the way things were going was leading to to the end of their divorce. One night, they were in a heated argument and the police were called. The next morning, he went to run errands and came back to find his then-wife trying to take the kids. 

There was another argument that led to the police getting called again. After the situation escalated, he hadn’t heard anything from her for the rest of the day after she left with the kids. 

The next morning, he was served with a domestic violence restraining order and had to be escorted from the home. The week following the restraining order was very rough for him since he was only hearing about his kids from a family member. 

Inside the courthouse, there were false accusations thrown around by his ex-wife. I will not go into the exact details of the accusations for the sake of his identity and privacy. 

The judge ruled his ex-wife had one week to get all she needed from the house. He then froze all of his assets and finances. He went to stay with a family member at this time. 

“The first few weeks, I didn’t even go home. It was just too traumatic for me. ‘I’m a man, I’m supposed to be made out of stone.’ No. It was just too traumatic for me to be in that house and not hear my children or can’t talk to them,” he said. “At our first court date, I was able to communicate via text or email about my children. That was it. I was given visitation at the time for three hours for three days. That’s a slap in the face to a good father.” 

Following these months, his ex-wife would allegedly call the police and make up incidents of him violating the restraining order. He made sure to turn on his location on his phone and he would print out his activity each day. He also was around people constantly to make sure he had a witness if his ex-wife  were to accuse him. He would also print out call logs and text messages just in case. 

He has been learning family law as much as he can so he is better equipped for his court dates. During our interview, he scrolled through numerous notes and sources he has found about 50/50 custody, the family law, the impact on kids that go through divorce, and what it does to their development if they barely see their other parent. 

There have been multiple instances where he was taken into custody because of his ex-wife’s accusations, but once he talked with the police, they realized he was very cooperative and told him that they were just doing their job.

At the end of the day, this father has told me repeatedly over text and in-person that he just wants equal custody of his kids. He wishes no ill will against the mother and wants to cooperate with her so that their kids will have both of their parents. He believes that kids need both parents and he only wants the best for his own. 

Fathers Rights Movement

The father I have been talking with is one of many that go through things like this. If you scroll through The Fathers’ Rights Movement on Facebook, you will see testimonials and posts about parents going through similar situations to my source. They have around 717,000 members across the nation. 

The story is always: one parent is making false accusations about the other, one parent is telling the child false information, there are restraining orders, and so on. 

There are also some parents here in Burke County who are part of the North Carolina chapter of the movement, but either couldn’t or wouldn’t speak about their experiences since they feared it might affect their custody situation. 

It is moving to see the positive posts where the parents worked it out since there are many stories that I have seen and heard where it ends with more wounds caused than amends. 

You can also go online to https://tfrm.org/ to read more about the movement and information. 

The Fathers’ Rights Movement has an emotional support hotline where you can call 907-312-5552. You can also text 678-TFRMDAD (837-6323) or email at crisis@tfrm.org.  

These injustices affect both mothers and fathers, which I think is important to recognize. There is also injustice for the children who just want to be with their parents, but are thrown into a battle between parents. 

Saydie Bean is a reporter for The Paper. She may be reached at 828-445-8595 or via email at saydie@thepaper.media.