From foster child to social worker: Hope Hembree shares her story

Growing up, permanence was a comfort just beyond Hope Hembree’s reach as Burke County’s foster care system moved her from one home to the next, never giving her the chance to settle.

Hembree lived with good foster parents and bad ones. She had some good social workers and others who were burnt out and uninvested. But it was the great social workers that made all the difference. Hembree said they didn’t say what she wanted to hear, but what she needed to hear.

Now 23 years old, Hembree is a social worker with the Burke County Department of Social Services and strives to be that great social worker that children in the foster care system need.

Recently, Hembree told her story to the board of commissioners, sharing her insight as someone who has experienced multiple sides of the foster care system.

Hembree said she attended three middle schools and four high schools. She was constantly uprooted, having to start over and meet a new cast of foster parents, teachers, and peers. It taught her to never fully unpack or tell anyone too much.

“Why would I? Because I knew I was moving very soon, I wouldn’t have friends for very long, and nothing ever felt permanent, and I think that’s what a lot of our children struggle with today,” Hembree said.

Hembree recalled staying with a couple in their 70s who had fostered children for 30 years. She said they gave her a sense of normalcy, with regular family dinners and a trip to the car show every Friday.

“But I also had foster moms that weren’t so kind,” Hembree said. “I would have foster moms that their biological children got fast food, and I would be expected to eat frozen meals or something that could be quickly made, or they would have extra snacks and stuff in their room that was only for their kids.”

With so little stability, Hembree said she developed fear and mistrust, creating patterns of self-protection and self-sabotage.

“I believed that when things got hard, people would leave, because they did,” Hembree said.

Hembree said she was eventually diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder, which was hurtful.

“In reality … I was a kid living in a world that consistently told me I wasn’t wanted, and I didn’t deserve good things,” Hembree said. “And I think that’s another barrier that all of our kids have, is they’re told that they’re not going to do good things, and they haven’t done good things.”

Older youth and teenagers are usually seen as difficult to place, Hembree said, and often those kids are defined by what is recorded in their chart.

Hembree said it’s important to know that teenagers in the foster care system come with a written report that includes any wrongdoing in the past.

“I want you to imagine every relationship and every chance of a home hinges on this comprehensive report listing everything you’ve done, along with making a summary of the good traits you have, things you enjoy, kind of like a write-up of who you are as a person,” Hembree said. “But it’s passed around, kind of like a resume, to these potential places that might take you.

“And imagine walking into a home and experiencing that vulnerability, knowing they know everything you’ve done wrong … and it’s extremely vulnerable to go into a home where you don’t even know your caregivers, but you know all the shameful things that you’ve done, or negative experiences, they know about them.”

When she was 16, Hembree said she was finally adopted – she said she gave the family a hard time, pushing them away, screaming at them, and doing “everything possible and have them not love me” because that was what she expected.

“But they stayed, and they support me no matter what today, and I got what every child deserves, which is unconditional love,” Hembree said.

Hembree said that many children in foster care neglect their schooling, but she was determined not to fall into that category. She focused heavily on her schooling and stayed on the honor roll.

Because of her time in foster care, Hembree said she qualified for NC Reach, a state-funded scholarship program, which paid for her tuition at Boston State University. She said she obtained a bachelor’s degree in social work within three years.

Coming to work at Burke County’s Department of Social Services was a full-circle moment, Hembree said.

Hembree said she tries to do for children in the foster care system today what her best social workers did for her.

“The ones that cared, which, at the time I didn’t realize it, but they’re the ones that told me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear,” Hembree said. “Back then I definitely didn’t hear what they were saying, but they were right. I had a victim mindset. All these horrible things that happened to me, and it was everyone else’s fault, like I was just going to continue to experience horrible things, and I had no control over it, and in reality, I definitely did.”

Hembree said social workers make lifelong impacts on children and families, and it’s important to remember that every case number is a child, like she once was, who is scared and uncertain, and wants to belong.

“Hope, you’re a rock star. You’re going to save a lot of people’s lives,” said commissioner Mike Stroud at the end of Hembree’s presentation. “God bless you. We love you.”