Leaders: You need to listen first

Leadership is tested in moments of crisis.

That is what MedicalTraining.me founder and author of “Focused & Fearless Leadership” Melissa Overton said to a room of more than 100 women gathered for the Burke County Chamber of Commerce’s annual Women’s Leadership Luncheon last week.

Overton was the keynote speaker at the event. Her message was about clear, effective communication’s role in leadership.

“We have to remember our leadership tone sets the organizational tone,” Overton said. “People will look to you and mirror that standard, so we have to think about that. So, I think a lot of it as a leader is, ‘Am I going to trigger somebody’s fight or flight response?’”

Poor communication leads to what Overton called a hamster wheel where Person A offends Person B, which triggers Person B and causes an emotional reaction, which can cause Person A to sense a threat, which then causes Person A to react emotionally. The cycle then repeats.

Overton laid out steps to approach a potentially adversarial conversation with grace that can help avoid miscommunications.

The first step is to calm the space.

When tackling difficult topics, Overton said it is important to have the conversations somewhere private, and to address the situation calmly and without anger.

Secondly, it is important to listen before responding.

Overton recalled a time when she was working as an emergency room nurse and her manager called to warn her about an angry person whose complaint call was being transferred to her.

The manager told a 20-something, fiery Overton to “shut up and listen” to the angry woman on the phone, and that when the woman was done, ask her what was really wrong.

“This lady called and she cussed me up one side (and) down the other,” Overton said. “And at the very end, she says, ‘You know what? My mother’s there because she had a stroke, and you guys called me and you told me she had a stroke, and now I’m trying to call back and get more information because I’m in Connecticut and you’re in North Carolina, and no one will give me any information about her.’”

Overton said the woman told her she was terrified and wondering if her mother was going to die. In an instant, any angry words Overton had for the woman melted away.

The woman’s anger eased when Overton guided her through documenting that discussing her mother’s health did not violate HIPAA. She also reassured her that her mother’s condition was stable.

“I just needed to listen first. She was angry, (and) she had every right in the world to be,” Overton said.

The next step, Overton said, is to paraphrase what the other person said to confirm you understood it correctly. If you misunderstood, ask them to help you understand.

Lastly, Overton said to share your perspective and then focus on a solution.

Overton said it is important to tell the other party what you felt and observed, and what you need. Then both parties can shift their focus to a solution, discuss how to handle the problem in the future, and thank each other for working together toward a solution.

“Avoidance seems easier in the moment, but the truth is this is also about the relationship,” Overton said. “And in order to be calm and clear and build trust and have momentum, you have to go ahead and deal with it now.”

Overton’s book is available for pre-order on her website at www.melissaoverton.com/focused-and-fearless-leadership-pre-order.