Dear Blanch: Wisdom for Everyday Living
Dear Blanch
Editor’s note: Welcome to “Dear Blanch: Wisdom for Everyday Living,” a monthly column featuring insight from a local expert. We invite you to send your questions for Blanch to our A&E editor, Sandra Wilkerson Queen, at sandra@thepaper.media.
Dear Blanch,
My mother-in-law insists on bringing her “famous” Jell-O salad to every summer barbecue … but no one actually eats it. It’s become a running joke in the family. Is there a polite way to tell her the Jell-O tradition needs to retire?
— Thanks so much, Sybil in Oak Hill
Dear Sybil in Oak Hill,
Darling, the days of summer are upon us, the season of sizzling grills, icy lemonade, and backyard get-togethers that stretch long into the golden evening. And like clockwork, your mother-in-law arrives bearing that glistening Jell-O salad, shimmering under the canopy of the picnic table … yet somehow never quite makes it past the first polite nibble.
Suggesting a Southern lady retire her signature dish is a delicate dance, about as subtle as asking a bee to skip the honey. That Jell-O salad isn’t merely a side; it’s her pride, her annual contribution, and a little sweet stubbornness all molded into one wobbly spectacle. If you’d like to gently pivot her culinary spotlight, consider these Blanch-approved, tactful strategies.
Launch a “Summer Faves” Spread
Invite everyone to bring their top seasonal dish, corn on the cob, grilled peaches, a zesty corn-and-tomato salad; the emphasis will be on fresh flavors rather than specific casseroles.
Shower Strategic Praise
Heap sincere compliments on something else she makes, her tangy coleslaw or that killer banana pudding, and say, “We can’t wait to have your slaw be the star this year!”
Outshine (Softly)
Bring a truly show-stopping side — maybe a smoky baked-bean skillet or a charred-veggie platter — that naturally commands center stage. Let the Jell-O gently slip off the spotlight.
Coordinate the Menu in Advance
Frame it as “freshening up our barbecue offerings” and assign dishes when you send invitations: “Could you bring the coleslaw this time?” That way, she feels honored to contribute something new.
Above all, come with a heart full of grace and a ready smile. Family cook-outs are as much about the laughter and shared stories as they are about the food. Embrace the little quirks; after all, it’s those offbeat traditions that make the best memories (and the best stories around the picnic table later).
And remember to savor the season itself. Feel the warmth of the sun on your shoulders, listen to the hum of cicadas overhead, and let the simple joy of being together, no matter what’s on the plate, be the true taste of summer. When you’re fully present, you’ll discover that the sweetest ingredient at any gathering is the moment you’re in.
In short: honor the wobble, steer the menu when you can, and never underestimate the power of a compliment, a shared laugh, or a deep breath in the summer breeze.
Cheers to sizzling days, starry nights, and the joy of right here, right now.
Yours in sun-soaked spirit,
Blanch
Dear Blanch,
After years of avoiding conflict, I finally stood up for myself, and now I feel guilty. Was I wrong to speak up?
— A man trying his best in Icard
Sir, giving voice to your needs isn’t a misstep; it’s overdue self-care. You’ve sidestepped disagreements for years, and now that you’ve finally spoken up, guilt has crept in uninvited. Let’s be clear: expressing your feelings isn’t wrong; it’s essential.
When you articulate what’s acceptable (and what isn’t), you’re not attacking anyone; you’re simply protecting your peace. Boundaries aren’t barricades; they’re polite signposts that let others know where you stand. Sure, some folks might shuffle uncomfortably when the rules change, but their discomfort isn’t yours to carry.
If that guilt bubbles up again, remind yourself: You’re only responsible for how you treat yourself, not for others’ reactions. Saying “I need this” or “That crossed a line” doesn’t make you harsh; it makes you honest. And honesty, my dear, is the foundation of any meaningful connection.
Leaning into the real you isn’t just a fad; it’s your life’s best investment. When you drop the costume and show up as yourself, three beautiful things happen:
Clarity of purpose. You know what you stand for, which makes decisions simpler and spares you awkward second-guessing.
Deeper connections. You’ll quickly learn who’s along for the show and who truly values you. As a smart woman (my mama) once told me, you’ll be able to count on one hand your true circle, those who love you for exactly who you are.
Inner peace. Releasing that withheld tension smooths the knots in your spirit, paving the way for serenity, inspiration, and genuine joy.
Need a gentle boost? Try these simple steps:
- Name your truth. Write down one belief you’ve kept quiet and practice saying it to yourself in the mirror.
- Own your “no.” Politely decline one small request you’d normally accept. Then notice how your spine firms and anxiety eases.
- A shimmy a day keeps the self-doubt away. Literally or figuratively shake off that lingering hesitation, each little shimmy is a reminder that authenticity is an act of joy, not perfection.
Remember, your worth isn’t tied to everyone’s comfort. Being the real you may ruffle a feather or two, but the world needs your unique voice, quirks, passions, and all. Keep speaking up, keep showing up, and relish the freedom of finally being yourself. And if no one’s told you yet, I’m proud of you!
Yours in sass, shimmy, and self-respect,
Blanch
